Poor me?

I say poor me because that's what my insides have been saying for a while. Poor baby me. I say this because this month of August brings not only beautiful heat, humidity, the fact that Lexi goes to school soon and the end of summer but it is my little boy's fourth birthday. Poor me, right? I've allowed myself until just a few minutes ago to be allowed to say this and be all poopy sad and eat whatever I want. I was interested to find out today that I wasn't sad that Jake would be four. More like it's been three and a half years since he's been gone and I still have just as large a painful hole in my chest that brings me to my knees -as I did on day one and I thought it would get better with time.
Poor, poor me.

Then I read this excerpt on service from Dieter F. Uchtdorf's "The Remarkable Soul of a Woman."

"It is told that President Hinckley remarked to one woman who had recently lost her husband, 'Work will cure your grief. Serve others.' In today's world of pop psychology, junk TV and feel-good self help manuals, this advice may seem counter-intuitive. We are sometimes told that the answer to our ills is to look inward, to indulge ourselves, to spend first and pay later, and to satisfy our own desires even at the expense of those around. While there are times when it is prudent to look first to our own needs, in the long run it doesn't lead to lasting happiness."

So, in the words of Lexi from just this evening, "Oh snap!"

I'm turnin a new leaf.